Seek Discomfort to Grow

Bauback Yeganeh, Ph.D.

I've been reflecting upon the relationship between behavior change and comfort. Our behaviors are anchored in a process of being on auto-pilot, meaning that we think and act automatically most of the time. This is how our brains preserve resources in order to focus on new things around us.  It means, in real-time, we are unaware of the many routine thoughts and behaviors that impact our careers. Most often we aren't choosing how to act, rather we are displaying automatic routines that we have accumulated. Auto-pilot is comfortable and familiar to us. We rarely think "whoa, I'm in auto-pilot right now and it doesn't feel right". It feels normal, and this is where things get interesting. Leaders want to change thoughts and behaviors to be more effective. However, for this to work, you have to want it more than you want the comfort of auto-pilot.

I was running an executive education program and raised the concept of our social networks. I shared that people around us understand who we prefer to work with. That when we walk into the office we spend more time with some people over others and it becomes clear by our verbals, non-verbals and time spent, whom we prefer. I also suggested that if we want to be equitable leaders we will consider this and go out of our way to spread our time more evenly. At this point a leader in the back of the room raised his hand and said "I won't do that." I asked why and he said "it's just not me." I asked what it means if a behavior "isn't you." I then asked what would happen if he were to try distributing his attention and time more evenly. He replied that he would feel uncomfortable. I asked him whether our job as leaders is to seek comfort or something else entirely. Isn't being an intentional leader about engaging behaviors that will guide our teams toward productivity, motivation, and a sense of accomplishment? If we are comfortable on auto-pilot, and some of our less effective behaviors happen on auto-pilot, we should be seeking some discomfort when practicing new behaviors.