Accept to Achieve
Bauback Yeganeh, Ph.D.
Imagine standing on a mountain peak and announcing “I will only be happy when half of these mountains are removed.” Sounds silly, but this is how our minds react to everyday workplace tensions. Somewhere along the way, we learned to hold our breath and suspend contentment so long as complex challenges aren’t resolved. A mindful alternative is to practice accepting things that are beyond our control while working to achieve successes. Doing so may feel counterintuitive. It may even feel like giving up as we confuse acceptance for apathy. However, it frees us to be the best leaders we can be. Let’s dig a bit deeper.
In the mindfulness literature, “radical acceptance” is the practice of letting go of our need to react to the things around us. This helps leaders behave intentionally instead of having knee-jerk reactions when things aren’t going well. We breathe calmly, accept the current environment for what it is, and think “what would help the most right now?”
When we don’t practice acceptance, we get stuck in an "outcome orientation" mindset. Outcome orientation is when our various internal states (e.g. peaceful, happy, relaxed) are dependent upon specific outcomes happening the way we want. This is natural, but it leads to stress for several reasons. First, because our control is limited by environmental complexity, things are rarely exactly as we want them to be. Second, even if things were perfect, getting stuck in outcome orientation would still lead to sustained stress. This is because at some point we become addicted to seeking the next thing that needs to happen in order for things to “be okay”. On and on it goes, without pausing to celebrate the wins.
Letting go of outcome orientation is difficult because we are invested in our work. This investment increases our chances of overreacting to perceived obstacles to success. For example, imagine your response when someone sends you a rudely written email. How do you react? What emotions do you feel? What physical symptoms arise? How does your reaction to the email affect your response? I’ve asked questions like these to thousands of leaders, and the answers always involve negative emotions and stress.
Alternatively, an acceptance mindset enables you to think: “I can’t control the fact that a rude email was sent. I accept that it was hurtful. I accept that I’m mad. Now, instead of reacting and getting sucked in, how can I respond as intentionally as possible to achieve my desired goals?” The trick is to stay in the game, stay passionate, and continue to do our best, while not suffering from things beyond our control. Try the following steps:
Acknowledge the event
Breathe calmly
Accept what you are feeling about it
Focus on your goals
Act intentionally
To recap, acceptance is a mature and realistic practice of doing our best while realizing that many parts of the environment are beyond our direct control. Acceptance helps us stay centered and thoughtful when dealing with obstacles. A natural thought when practicing acceptance at work may be something like: “I don’t like that this happened but I accept that this is the current reality. Now how can I best achieve my goals within this environment?”
Acceptance doesn’t mean that we stop caring and it certainly doesn’t mean that we stop trying. As mindful leaders, it means that we slow our reactions to things we don’t like, while passionately working to the best of our abilities. Acceptance is easier said than done, but what a noble goal it is.
Sometimes I tell leaders “you aren’t hired to manage a perfect environment.” Don’t wait until the mountains are removed in order to find peace of mind as you do your best. Accept events that are beyond your immediate control, and then act intentionally. You will be healthier, wiser, and more successful for it.
